Why the Smile?

Q: Why does Mary Lou Retton smile so much?
A: Because she found out what the big boys eat.

Prosthetic Leg

I had my leg amputated and was too cheap to get a prosthetic leg. So I just went to Toys "R" Us and bought a Barbie doll of Sarah Jessica Parker and turned it upside down and everyone is amazed how realistic it is.

Voice Activated Radio

I just got my new Lexus RX400h, and returned to the dealer the next day, complaining that I couldn't figure out how the radio worked. The salesman explained that the radio was voice activated. "Watch this! He said, Nelson!" The radio replied, "Ricky or Willie?" "Willie!" He continued... and On The Road Again came from the speakers. I drove away happy, and for the next few days, every time I'd say, "Beethoven!" I'd get beautiful classical music, and if I said, "Beatles!" I'd get one of their awesome songs. One day, a couple ran a red light and nearly creamed my new car, but I swerved in time to avoid them. "Nincompoops!!!? I yelled... The French National Anthem began to play, sung by Jane Fonda and Michael Moore, backed up by John Kerry on guitar, Al Gore on drums and Bill Clinton on sax... I LOVE this car!