Pink Floyd to Heaven

The three remaining members of Pink Floyd get in a car wreck and all three die. They are standing in front of the Pearly Gates when St. Peter comes up and says, ''Oh, Hi guys! We've been expecting you. Your really going to love it here, this is a great place and did you know that we even have our own band? We have Elvis Presley singing, Hendrix is playing guitar, Sinatra is on piano and Roger Waters, your old bandmate, is writing lyrics for us!'' David Gilmour replies, ''Roger is here? When did he die?''
St. Peter leans over and whispers in his ear. ''It's really God, but he thinks he's Roger Waters!''

Monica Lewinsky and Bob Dole

Q: What do Monica Lewinsky and Bob Dole have in common?
A They were both upset when Bill finished first.

Michael Jackson's Doll

Q: What does Michael Jackson call a Tickle-Me-Elmo doll?
A: Bait!