Elsa

Q: Why shouldn't you let Elsa hold your balloon?
A: Because she will let it go, let it gooooooooo

Rosie O'Donnell Arrested

Q: Did you hear why Rosie O'Donnell got arrested?
A: Airport security lifted up her dress and found 200 pounds of crack.

Shark Week - Father Knows Best

Two great white sharks swimming in the ocean spied survivors of a sinking ship. " Follow me son," the father shark said and they swam to the mass of people. " First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing " And they did. " Well done, son!  Now we swim around them a few times with all of our fins showing " And they did. " Now we eat everybody." And they did. When they were both gorged, the son asked, "Dad, why didn't we just eat them all at first? Why did we swim around and around them?" His wise father replied, "Because they taste better if you scare the shit out of them first!"