Man's Best Friend

A bartender looks down to the end of the bar and sees a guy with his head down who hasn't touched his drink for over a half an hour. He heads over to talk to him. Bartender: "Hey pal, is something wrong?" The Guy: "Yeah, I'm really depressed. "Bartender: "Why, what's the matter?" The Guy: "I caught my wife in bed with my best friend. "Bartender: "Wow, that's horrible. What did you do? "The Guy: "I kicked her out of the house, sent her packing, it's over" Bartender: "That's pretty drastic, what did you do to your best friend? "The Guy: "I sat him down, tied him up, looked him straight in the eye and said, Bad Dog! Bad Dog!"

Singles Bar

Q: What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common?
A: They are married.

Talking Dog

A guy walks into a bar with his dog. They both go up to the barstool and sit down. The owner orders two beers. The bartender just frowns and says, "Look buddy, we can't have any dogs sitting up at the bar."  The owner retorts, "But this is no ordinary dog." The bartender doesn't budge from his stance and tells the guy to leave.  The owner protests, "Look, this is no ordinary dog. This is a talking dog."  The bartender says, "Yeah right buddy. Okay, why don't you and your talking dog leave the bar?" 
The owner says, "Okay, I'll tell you what. I'll go into the bathroom and take a leak. You can talk to my dog while I go. If you still want us to leave when I get back, we will."  So the owner leaves. And the dog and the bartender start talking it up like they are long lost friends. The bartender starts to really like this dog. They are talking about sports and beer and women. So the bartender comes up with an idea. He turns to the dog and says, "Look, I have a friend who owns the bar across the street. If I give you $20 will you go into the bar and order a beer from him?" The dog says, "No problem", and gets up and leaves.The owner comes back and ask where his dog is. The bartender explains about the joke. So the owner leaves to get his dog.  Right out of the bar, the owner sees his dog humping another lady dog. And the owner says, "Hey, get off of her. Why have I never seen you doing this before?" To which the dog replies, "Because I have never had $20 before."