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Bar Jokes - Drunk Jokes
Alien Abduction
Harry, Bill and Steve are sitting at the corner bar, when Ted walks in looking distressed. "Ted, you look awful. What's wrong?" Harry asks. Ted says, "Last night I got really drunk and I was abducted by an alien." Everyone is shocked. Bill asks, "What did the alien do to you?" "All I remember is being anally probed," Ted says.
Everyone is horrified. "I heard that they'll do that!" Steve says. "What did the alien look like?" Ted responds, "Karl."
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Praise the Lord
Q: Why did god invent alcohol?
A: So fat women can get laid too.
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Someone Will Take Us Home
These two women went out for a night on the town and got sloshed. At the end of the evening they decided to take a short cut through a cow pasture after being unable to find a ride home. They became lost so split up to try and find the road home. One of the lushes doubled back only to stumble on the other flat on her back sucking on, and playing with a cow's udders. Her friend screamed "what are you doing?" the other lush says "shut up, with all these guys here someone'll drive us home".
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