The Shortcut

A drunk leaves a bar and decides to take a shortcut through a graveyard. It's raining heavily and very dark. The drunk fails to see an open grave and falls into it. He tries to climb out of it, but it is too deep and the rain has turned the dirt to mud and has made it too slippery to climb. He gives up after a while and decides to spend the night there. A while later, another drunk leaves the same bar and decides to take the same shortcut through the graveyard. He also falls into that open grave and tries to climb out but the mud is too slippery. The first drunk is still sitting there and watches as the other drunk tries, but fails to get out. The first drunk stands up, taps the second drunk on the shoulder and tells him, "You'll never get out!" He did.

The Hunting Season

This truck driver hauling a tractor-trailer load of computers stops for a beer. As he approaches the bar he sees a big sign on the door saying "NERDS NOT ALLOWED -- ENTER AT OWN RISK!" He goes in and sits down. The bartender comes over to him, sniffs, says he smells kind of nerdy, asks him what he does for a living. The truck driver says he drives a truck and that the smell is just from the computers he is hauling. The bartender says,  "Ok, truck drivers are not nerds", and serves him a beer.
As he is sipping his beer, a skinny guy walks in with tape around his glasses, a pocket protector with twelve kinds of pens and pencils, and a belt at least a foot too long. The bartender, without saying a word, pulls out a shotgun and blows the guy away. The truck driver asks him why he did that. The bartender said not to worry, the nerds are overpopulating the Silicon Valley and are in season now. You don't even need a license, he said. So the truck driver finishes his beer, gets back in his truck and heads back onto the freeway. Suddenly he veers to avoid an accident and the load shifts. The back door breaks open and computers spill out all over the freeway. He jumps out and sees a crowd already forming, grabbing up the computers. They are all engineers, accountants and programmers wearing the nerdiest clothes he has ever seen. He can't let them steal his whole load. So remembering what happened in the bar, he pulls out his gun and starts blasting away, felling several of them instantly. A highway patrol officer comes zooming up and jumps out of the car screaming at him to stop. The truck driver said, "What's wrong? I thought nerds were in season." "Well, sure," said the patrolman, "But you can't bait 'em."

Sign of Drinking Problem

Sign of drinking problem... You shout, "I'm not as think you drunk I am."