Monster Ache

Q: Why was Frankenstein's Monster always groaning?
A: Wouldn't you if there was a bolt through your neck?

Parrot Punk

There was this punk who got on a bus. He sat next to an old man who started staring at him because he was dressed in really colorful clothing. He had all this colorful make-up on and his hair was spiked up with red, green, & yellow with feathers. The punk was getting sick of being stared at so he said to the old man, "Hey, old man, what are you lookin' at,eh? Didn't you do anything strange when you were a teenager?" "Well, yeah," the old man answered. "Once I got so drunk that I screwed a parrot, so I can't help but think that maybe you're my son!"

Mandatory Necktie

A guy goes into a restaurant/lounge wearing a shirt open at the collar and is met by a bouncer who tells him he must wear a necktie to gain admission. So the guy goes out to his car and he looks around for a necktie and discovers that he just doesn't have one. He sees a set of jumper cables in his trunk. In desperation he ties these around his neck, manages to fashion a fairly acceptable looking knot and lets the ends dangle free. He goes back to the restaurant and the bouncer carefully looks him over for a few minutes and then says, "Well, OK, I guess you can come in - just don't start anything."