Self Esteem

I have a bumper sticker that says, "Honk if you think I'm sexy."
I just sit at green lights until I feel good about myself.

Bad Air

Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.

Paralyzed Fat Woman

A big fat housewife is on her hands and knees, scrubbing the kitchen floor, when she suddenly yells to her husband, "Come here quick, Charlie! I'm paralyzed and I can't get up!"
He comes in, takes a look, and says, "Stand up, you silly old bat. You're kneeling on one of your tits!"