Dog Named Mypenis

Tired of boring old dog name like Ruff, Spot, Lassie, etc?  The next time you get a dog, name it: Mypenis  Why, you ask? Well just look at some of the great excuses you can use for school, work, and general conversation:

• I did do my homework but Mypenis ate it!
• Oh no, Mypenis is frothing at the mouth!
• Sorry I'm late. I was playing with Mypenis.
• I'm sorry officer, I didn't realize I had to keep Mypenis on a leash.
• Mypenis doesn't come when I call it.
• Mypenis likes to crawl between the legs of guests.
• If Mypenis begs at the dinner table, I just tell it to LAY DOWN!
• I love giving Mypenis a bath, but Mypenis doesn't like cold water.
• At night, I like to snuggle with Mypenis.
• Mypenis likes it when people pet him.
• Mypenis needs to get more exercise. He weighs over fifty pounds!
• Playing with Mypenis really wears me out.
• Would you like to see a picture of Mypenis?
• Sometimes I wake up, and Mypenis is already active.
• I think Mypenis has a mind of its own.
• I keep a picture of Mypenis in my wallet.
• Whenever I get lost, Mypenis points me in the right direction.
• I think Mypenis is getting old because he won't get excited anymore. He just plays dead.
• Mypenis got out last night. I think he's sleeping with the lady next door.
• HELP! Mypenis is lost...can you help me find him?
• Sorry to be driving slow officer, but I was looking for Mypenis.
• Sorry to be driving so fast, officer. I have to take Mypenis to the hospital.
• Mypenis got fleas from the neighbors dog.
• Anytime Mypenis gets too excited, I just scratch him behind the head.
• Please do not feed Mypenis table scraps!
• Do you think you could feed Mypenis while I'm on vacation?
• I have a cat that plays very well with Mypenis.
• When I take Mypenis for a ride in the car, I roll down the window so it can hang it's head out.

Best Tree for Dogs

Q: What is a dog's favorite tree?
A: The dogwood.

Three Dogs at the Vet

Three dogs were at the vet talking to each other, when they got to the topic of why they were there.
The first dog says, "I chewed up all my masters shoes, and that's why I'm here."
The second dog said, "I peed on my masters $1,000 rug."
The third dog then pipes up and says, "My master is a woman and she likes to clean house in the nude. So today, when she bent over to pick something up, I went for the ride of a life time!"
"And that's why you're here?" asked the other dogs.
"No," replied the third. "I'm getting my nails clipped."