Nine Things Dogs Don't Understand

1. It's not a laugh to practice barking at 3a.m.
2. It's wrong to back Grandma into a corner and guard her.
3. He shouldn't jump on your bed when he's sopping wet.
4. The cats have every right to be in the living room.
5. Barking at guests 10 minutes after they arrive is stupid.
6. Getting up does NOT mean we are going for a walk.
7. Just because I'm eating, doesn't mean you can.
8. If you look at me with those big soppy eyes, I'm not going to give in and feed you. NOT NOT NOT. Oh, ok, just this once.
9. No, it's my food.... Oh alright then, just a small piece.

Puppies and Gynecologists

Q: What do puppies and gynecologists have in common?
A: Wet noses.

Personal Trainer

I have a personal trainer. She makes me chase rabbits though the woods three times a day at a dead run. Also, she has 4 legs and a tail.