I Flattened Your Cat

A man was driving for hours through desolate country when he passed a farmhouse, a cat ran out in front of him and before the man could react; *splat*, he flattened the cat. Out of kindness and consideration, he stopped, turned around and drove back to the farmhouse to notify the occupants. When the housewife came to the door, said he, "Pardon me madame, but I just ran over a cat in front of your house, and assumed that it must belong to you. I know this might be hard to hear, but I wanted to let you know instead of just driving off..." "Not so fast", she interrupts. "How do you know it was our cat? Could you describe him? What does he look like?" The man promptly flopped down on the ground, and said "He looks like this" as he gave his best shot at a dead cat impression. "Oh no, you horrible man", she replied, "I meant, what did he look like before you hit him?" At that, the man got up, covered his eyes with both hands and screamed "Ahhhhhhhhh!!"

No Shaved Cats

Q: Why do cats never shave?
A: Because 8 out of 10 cats prefer whiskas!

Don't Look at Me

I had to go next door and watch my neighbor’s cat while he was away. Now there’s a great pile of crap and a puddle of pee on his kitchen floor . Hopefully, he’ll think the cat did it.