Empty Beer Cans

Q: Why do blondes leave empty beer cans in their refrigerator?
A: For their friends that don't drink.

Why Beer is Better than Women

1. YOU CAN ENJOY A BEER ALL MONTH LONG.
2. BEER STAINS WASH OUT.
3. YOU DON'T HAVE TO WINE AND DINE BEER.
4. YOUR BEER WILL ALWAYS WAIT PATIENTLY FOR YOU IN THE CAR WHILE YOU PLAY FOOTBALL.
5. WHEN YOUR BEER GOES FLAT, YOU TOSS IT OUT.
6. BEER IS NEVER LATE.
7. A BEER DOESN'T GET JEALOUS WHEN YOU GRAB ANOTHER BEER.
8. HANGOVERS GO AWAY.
9. BEER LABELS COME OFF WITHOUT A FIGHT.
10. WHEN YOU GO TO A BAR, YOU KNOW YOU CAN ALWAYS PICK UP A BEER.
11. BEER NEVER HAS A HEADACHE.
12. YOU DON'T HAVE TO DRIVE A BEER HOME IN THE MORNING.
13. A BEER WON'T GET UPSET IF YOU COME HOME WITH ANOTHER BEER.
14. IF YOU POUR A BEER RIGHT, YOU'LL ALWAYS GET GOOD HEAD.
15. A BEER ALWAYS GOES DOWN EASY.
16. YOU CAN HAVE MORE THAN ONE BEER IN A NIGHT AND NOT FEEL GUILTY.
17. YOU CAN SHARE A BEER WITH YOUR FRIENDS.
18. YOU ALWAYS KNOW YOU'RE THE FIRST ONE TO POP A BEER.
19. BEER IS ALWAYS WET.
20. BEER DOESN'T DEMAND EQUALITY.
21. YOU CAN HAVE A BEER IN PUBLIC.
22. A BEER DOESN'T CARE WHEN YOU COME.
23. A FRIGID BEER IS A GOOD BEER.
24. YOU DON'T HAVE TO WASH A BEER BEFORE IT TASTES GOOD.
25. IF YOU CHANGE BEERS YOU DON'T HAVE TO PAY ALIMONY.

The Contest! (Very Long, Very Adult)

Contest: Beer vs. Pussy

• A beer is always wet. A pussy needs encouragement.
• A beer tastes horrible served hot. A pussy tastes better served hot.
• Having an ice cold beer makes you satisfied. Having an ice cold pussy makes you married.
• Beers have commercials making fun of skunky ones. Pussy does not.
• If you get a hair in your teeth consuming pussy, you are not disgusted.
• 24 beers come in a box. A pussy is a box you can come in.
• Too much head makes you mad at the person giving you a beer.
• If a beer is brewed with yeast, it is still edible.
• If you come home smelling like beer, The Woman may get mad. If you come home smelling like pussy - you're dead.
• 6 beers in a night and you better not drive. 6 pussies in a night and you have done all the driving you need.
• Too much beer and you get fat. Too much pussy and it makes you poor.
• It is socially acceptable to have a beer in the stands at a football game. You are a legend if you have a pussy in the stands at a football game.
• If a cop smells beer on your breath, you are going to get a breathalyzer. If a cop smells pussy on your breath, you are going to get a high five!
• With beer, bigger is better.
• If you think all day about the next pussy you will have, you are normal. If you think all day about your next beer, you are an alcoholic.
• Peeling labels off of beers is fun. Peeling panties off of pussy is more fun.
• If you suddenly drop a beer, it may break. If you suddenly drop a pussy, it may hunt you down like the dog you are.
• If you change to another beer, your old brand will gladly have you back.
• The best pussy you have ever had is not gone once you have enjoyed it.
• The worst pussy you have ever had is not gone once you have enjoyed it.
• Bad beer: Schlitz, Pabst Blue Ribbon, Old Swill. Bad pussy: Roseanne, Janet Reno, Madeline Albright, Dana Doran
• Good beer: Guinness, Sam Adams, New Castle. Good pussy: Almost all but the above.
• The government taxes beer.

It's a close call, but the numbers never lie. Advantage: Pussy.