The Contest! (Very Long, Very Adult)

Contest: Beer vs. Pussy

• A beer is always wet. A pussy needs encouragement.
• A beer tastes horrible served hot. A pussy tastes better served hot.
• Having an ice cold beer makes you satisfied. Having an ice cold pussy makes you married.
• Beers have commercials making fun of skunky ones. Pussy does not.
• If you get a hair in your teeth consuming pussy, you are not disgusted.
• 24 beers come in a box. A pussy is a box you can come in.
• Too much head makes you mad at the person giving you a beer.
• If a beer is brewed with yeast, it is still edible.
• If you come home smelling like beer, The Woman may get mad. If you come home smelling like pussy - you're dead.
• 6 beers in a night and you better not drive. 6 pussies in a night and you have done all the driving you need.
• Too much beer and you get fat. Too much pussy and it makes you poor.
• It is socially acceptable to have a beer in the stands at a football game. You are a legend if you have a pussy in the stands at a football game.
• If a cop smells beer on your breath, you are going to get a breathalyzer. If a cop smells pussy on your breath, you are going to get a high five!
• With beer, bigger is better.
• If you think all day about the next pussy you will have, you are normal. If you think all day about your next beer, you are an alcoholic.
• Peeling labels off of beers is fun. Peeling panties off of pussy is more fun.
• If you suddenly drop a beer, it may break. If you suddenly drop a pussy, it may hunt you down like the dog you are.
• If you change to another beer, your old brand will gladly have you back.
• The best pussy you have ever had is not gone once you have enjoyed it.
• The worst pussy you have ever had is not gone once you have enjoyed it.
• Bad beer: Schlitz, Pabst Blue Ribbon, Old Swill. Bad pussy: Roseanne, Janet Reno, Madeline Albright, Dana Doran
• Good beer: Guinness, Sam Adams, New Castle. Good pussy: Almost all but the above.
• The government taxes beer.

It's a close call, but the numbers never lie. Advantage: Pussy.

Survey Says

The U.S. Government decided to gather data to better understand what people say right before they get into an auto accident. 89% of the people in 49 states said: ''Oh, shit!'' In Texas 94% said: ''Hold my beer. Watch this.''

Idiot Discount

My friends and I were on a beer run and noticed that the cases were discounted 10%. Since it was a big party, we bought two cases. The cashier multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount.