Government Wrestling Federation

1. Driving your fellow Congressman into the turnbuckle now considered acceptable method of ending a filibuster.
2. President now shouts entire State of the Union address with his face 18 inches from TV camera.
3. IRS audit replaced by more efficient reverse body slam onto enema.
4. Government becomes a charade of meaningless noises and lots of posturing by a bunch of inarticulate losers with no class or manners-- Hey, wait a minute...
5. Free school lunches destined for the needy instead go to the biggest, meanest, stupidest kid in each school.
6. Sex scandals now involve even skankier women.
7. January 20: Inauguration ceremonies January 21: FDA approves over-the-counter sale of steroids.
8. Newt Gingrich is finally able to wear his mask and cape out of the house.
9. During House debate, it is acceptable to yield to the gentleman wielding a folding chair.
10. Difficult finding interns willing to accommodate an entire pouch of Skoal.
11. Strom Thurmond *finally* removed by The Undertaker.
12. Line to body-slam Ken Starr winds around Lincoln Memorial.
13. Before: "Mr. Vice President." After: "Stone Cold Cheney"

Bill Clinton Safe Sex

Q: How did Bill Clinton practice safe sex?
A: He didn't light the cigar.

Chapters of The DC Intern Tell All

• When You're Asked to Suck At Your Job
• What Really Goes Down In The White House
• How I Blew It In Washington
• Finding the Softer Side of Senators
• Clear and Present Boner
• Breaking the Gag Rule
• Entering D.C.'s Inner Circle
• Secret Services to the President
• Deep Inside the Senate
• All Night Filibusting
• Meeting the Chief of Staff
• Preparing Your Paternity Brief
• The Traditions of Toilet Stall Toe-Tapping
• What Politicians Don't Know About Cell Phone Logs