No Pressure

This older Jewish man was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation. As he was about to receive the anesthesia he asked to speak to his son. "Yes Dad, what is it?"
"Don't be nervous, son, do your best and just remember, if it doesn't go well, if something happens to me ... your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife...."

Only Smaller

This girl walks in to a doctors office and she asks "What's a phallic symbol? Doctor says "you're kidding.." Girl says "no! I don't know! What's a phallic symbol?" Doctor pulls his pants and underwear down and says "You see? This is a phallic symbol!" Girl says "Oh! It's just like a penis, only smaller"

Redneck Check Up

A redneck felt sick and decided to go to the doctor. The doctor examined him. "I can't seem to find the problem, but I think it has something to do with alcohol." "Well," said the redneck, "then I'll come back when you're sober.'