Farts Go Honda

A guy says, "Doc, you gotta help me. Every time I fart, it sounds like, "Honda." The doctor says, "You say, 'Honda?" "No," the guy says. "My farts do." So, the doctor says, "OK, open your mouth," and looks inside. After about two minutes, the doctor says, "I'm sorry, I can't help you, you need to go see a dentist."
The guy says, "Why a dentist?" The doctor says, "Because you have an abscessed tooth." The guy says, "What the hell does that have to do with my condition?" The doctor says, "Well, didn't you know? Abscess makes the farts go Honda!"

Doctors Daiquiri

A Doctor made it his regular habit to stop at a bar for a hazelnut daiquiri on his way home. The bartender knew of his habit, and would always have the Doctors drink waiting for him at precisely 5:03 PM. One afternoon, as the end of the workday approached, the bartender was dismayed to find that he was out of hazelnut extract. Thinking quickly, he threw together a daiquiri made with hickory nuts and set it on the bar. The Doctor came in and took a sip of the drink and exclaimed, "This isn't a hazelnut daiquiri!" "No, I'm sorry," replied the bartender..."It's a hickory daiquiri, Doc."

Bun Twitch

An obese woman goes to a doctor to be put on a drastic weight-loss program. The doctor tells her that she can eat anything she likes but that any food must be inserted up the anus. The woman agrees and four weeks later comes back for a check-up. The doctor is very pleased with the woman’s progress but is concerned that the woman’s hips keep twitching constantly. 
“When did that hip twitching start?” asks the doctor. “That's not twitching,” replies the woman. “I’m chewing gum.”