I'm A Nit

Patient: Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm a nit
Doctor: Will you get out of my hair!

Help Please

I told the doctor I had to see him right away because I thought I was shrinking.
He told me he was busy and that I'd have to be a little patient.

Honda, Honda!

A businessman was in Japan to make a presentation to the Toyota motor people. Needless to say, this was an especially important deal, and it was imperative that he make the best possible impression.  On the morning of the presentation he awoke to find himself passing gas, in large volumes, with the unpleasant characteristic of sounding like "HONDA." The man was besides himself. Every few minutes "HONDA", "HONDA"....  Unable to stop this aberrant behavior, and in desperate need to terminate these odious and rather embarrassing emissions, he sought a physicians aid.
After a full examination, the doctor told him that there was nothing inherently wrong with him and that he would just have to wait it out.  Being unwilling to accept this state of affairs he visited a second and then a third doctor all of whom told him the same thing. Finally one medic suggested that he visit a dentist. Well, although he could not see how a dentist was going to be of any help, he visited one anyway.  Lo and behold, the dentist said, "Ah, there's the problem!" "What is it?" the man asked. "Why you have an abscess," said the dentist. "An abscess? How could that be causing my problem?" asked the man. "That's easy," replied the dentist. "Why everyone knows...  Abscess makes the fart go Honda!"