Play the Office Game

Here's a way to spice up your office. Pick two or three colleagues and agree to play the Office Game which awards points as follows:
ONE POINT:

• Run one lap around the office at top speed.
• Walk sideways to the photocopier.
• Find the vacuum and start vacuuming around your desk.
• When they're not looking, pour most of someone's fresh cup of coffee into your mug leaving them with an inch of brew.
• Ignore the first five people who say 'good morning' to you.
• Phone someone in the office you barely know, leave your name and say "Just called to say I can't talk right now. Bye."
• To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears and grimace.
• While riding an elevator, gasp dramatically every time the doors open. 

THREE POINTS:

• Babble incoherently at a fellow employee then ask "Did you get all that, I don't want to have to repeat it." - Double points if you do this to a manager.
• Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the nozzle.
• Shout random numbers while someone is counting.

FIVE POINTS:

• At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would be nice to conclude with the singing of the national anthem (extra points if you actually launch into it yourself).
• Walk into a very busy person's office and while they watch you with growing irritation, turn the light switch on/off 10 times.
• For an hour, refer to everyone you speak to as 'Bob'
• Announce to everyone in a meeting that you "really have to go do number two"
• After every sentence, say 'mon' in a really bad Jamaican accent. As in, "the report's on your desk, mon." Keep this up for one hour.
• While an office mate is out, move their chair into the elevator.
• In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead repeatedly and mutter, "Shut up, all of you just shut up!"
• In a colleague's diary, write in 10 am: "See how I look in tights."
• Carry your laptop over to your colleague and ask "You wanna trade?"
• Come to work in army fatigues and when asked why, say, "I can't talk about it"
• Speak with an accent (French, German, Porky Pig, etc.) during a very important conference call.
• Tuck one pant leg into your sock and when queried, answer, "not now" and walk away.

School Trouble

My son was thrown out of school today for letting a girl in his class give him a hand-job. I said "Son, that's three schools this year! You'd better stop before you're banned from teaching altogether."

Notes to the Landlord

"The toilet is blocked and we cannot bathe the children until it is cleared."
"Will you please send someone to mend our cracked sidewalk. Yesterday my wife tripped on it and is now pregnant. .. ."
"The toilet seat is cracked: where do I stand?"
"Would you please send a man to repair my downspout. I am an old page pensioner and need it straight away."
"I request your permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen."
"This is to let you know that there is a smell coming from the man next door."
"The person next door has a large erection in his back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous."
"I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is running away from the wall."
"Our kitchen floor is very damp, we have two children and would like a third, so will you please send someone to do something about it."
"Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny color and not fit to drink."
"Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces."
"Could you please send someone to fix our bath tap. My wife got her toe stuck in it and it is very uncomfortable for us."