Just In Case

"Mr. Davis," the analyst said, "I think this will be your last visit." "Does that mean I'm cured?" he asked. "For all practical purposes, yes," she said. "I think we can safely say that your kleptomania is now under control. You haven't stolen anything in two years, and you seem to know where the kleptomania came from." "Well, that's terrific, Doctor. Before I go, I'd like to tell you something. Although our relationship is strictly professional, it's been one of the most rewarding of my life. I wish I could do something to repay you for helping me." "You've paid my fee," the doctor said. "That's the only responsibility you have." "I know," Davis said. "But isn't there some personal favor I could do for you?" "Well," the doctor said, "I'll tell you what. If you ever suffer a relapse, my son could use a new iPhone."

Railway HandCar

A tramp finds a hole in a field and throws in a stone to see how deep it is. He doesn’t hear anything, so he drops down something larger – an old railway handcar. As he does so a ram appears and starts charging toward him. At the last moment the man leaps to one side and the ram plummets down the hole. Later the tramp meets the farmer who owns the field and tells him that the hole is dangerous. “I know,” replies the farmer. “That’s why I put a big ram in the field – to scare away the children.” “Really?” says the tramp. “But what would happen if the ram wandered off?” “Oh, it can’t do that,” replies the farmer. “I tied it to an old railway handcar.”

How Many Cops to Arrest a Mexican?

Q: How many cops does it take to arrest a Mexican?
A: Eight. One to carry him, the rest to carry his oranges!