A hearty breakfast

A man goes into a greasy spoon-type cafe and he says, "I would like one of your special full English breakfasts". "No problem." Comes the greasy little fat girls reply from behind the counter. "But I want it MY way." says the man. "What do you mean your way?" comes the reply. The man says, "well, I what the eggs only just about done so they look like I have snotted on them." he says. "I want the baked beans done so they are baking hot on the top, and freezing cold on the bottom. I want the bacon stuck to the plate with grease, with more rind than actual bacon. I want fried bread so greasy that the grease trickles in to the snotty egg and beans." "I don't have the time to do all that!" came the reply from the greasy little fat girl. "WELL YOU FUCKING HAD TIME YESTERDAY!!!!!!!" came the reply.

Serving on the Jury

The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.
Gene Robinson, 24, was arrested in Dayton, Tenn., after having sat for part of a session as a member of a grand jury hearing drug cases. He had already voted on 20 indictments when the next name that came up was his. He raised his hand, said, "That's me," and excused himself. His fellow members indicted him, and police arrested him at his home a short time later. 

Officer Termination

An officer was fired for smoking weed and masturbating on the job.
No exact details were given to the public, but word has it that he was a high wanking officer.