Stupid Rednecks

A ventriloquist working down south, is confronted by a theater patron during his show. The hick stands up and yells, "HEY YOU! ON STAGE! You been making smart-ass remarks about us rednecks being stupid all night long! We're not all stupid ya know!" "Relax," said the ventriloquist, "They're just jokes!" "Shut up, buddy," the hick replied, "I'm talking to that little bastard sitting on your knee!"

Opposites

If con is the opposite of pro, then is Congress the opposite of progress?

A Lawyer Named Strange

A lawyer named Strange died, and his friend asked the tombstone maker to inscribe on his tombstone, "Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer." The inscriber insisted that such an inscription would be confusing, for passers-by would tend to think that three men were buried under the stone. However he suggested an alternative: He would inscribe, "Here lies a man who was both honest and a lawyer. That way, whenever anyone walked by the tombstone and read it, they would be certain to remark: "That's Strange!"