Defamation of character

A man was sued by a woman for defamation of character.  She charged that he had called her a pig. The man was found guilty and fined.  After the trial he asked the judge, "Does this mean that I cannot call Mrs. Johnson a pig?".  The judge said that was true. "Does this mean I cannot call a pig, 'Mrs. Johnson'?", the man asked. The judge replied that he could indeed call a pig 'Mrs. Johnson' with no fear of legal action.  The man looked directly at Mrs. Johnson and said, "Good afternoon, Mrs. Johnson!".

A Wonderful Exercise

A neighbor of mine, Myron, in his mid-50's, had a relatively minorheart attack, and while he was in the hospital, he complained to his cardiologist that he thought that his sex life was over. The cardiologist said, "Not true, Myron. Sex is wonderful exercise for your heart. After you get home, you should have sex 3 or 4 times a week. It'll be the best thing you can do for your recovery." So after his discharge (from the hospital), Myron tells his wife what the doctor had said. His wife looked at him and told him, "That's wonderful, Myron! Sign me up for twice."

Robbery Verdict

Reilly went to trial for armed robbery. The jury foreman came out and announced, "Not guilty."
"That's great!" shouted Reilly. "Does that mean I can keep the money?"