At The Pearly Gates

Recently a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question. St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, "What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg? They just made a movie about it." The teacher answered quickly, "That would be the Titanic." St. Peter let him through the gate. St. Peter turned to the garbage man and, figuring Heaven didn't REALLY need all the odors that this guy would bring with him, decided to make the question a little harder: "How many people died on the ship?" Fortunately for him, the trash man had just seen the movie, and answered, "1,228." "That's right! You may enter." St. Peter then turned to the lawyer. "Name them."

Fishing on the Lake

A famous admiral and an equally famous general were fishing together when a sudden squall came up. When it died down both eminent warriors were struggling helplessly in the water. The admiral floundered his way back to the boat and pulled himself painfully in. Then he fished out the general, using an oar. Catching his breath, he puffed: "Please don't say a word about this to anyone. If the Navy found I can't swim I'd be disgraced. "Don't worry," the general said. "Your secret is safe. I'd hate to have my men find out I can't walk on water."

Street Juggling

A Cop pulled a car over for speeding. When the Cop asked the driver why he was traveling 95 mph, the driver answered that he was a juggler on his way to do a show for a birthday party and didn't want to be late. The Cop told the driver he was fascinated by juggling, and if the driver would do a little juggling for him that he wouldn't give him a ticket. The driver told the Cop that he had sent all of his equipment on ahead and didn't have anything to juggle. The Cop told him that he had some flares in the trunk of his patrol car, and asked if he could juggle them. The juggler stated that he could, so the Cop got three flares, lit them and handed them to the juggler. While the man was doing his juggling act, a car pulled in behind the patrol car. A drunk got out, watched the performance briefly, went over to the patrol car, opened the rear door and got in. The Cop observed him doing this, and went over to the patrol car, opened the door and asked the drunk what he thought he was doing. The drunk replied, "You might as well haul my butt to jail, cause there's NO way I'll pass that test."