You might be a redneck if... the interviewer asks:
Q: "Did you know that we are a Fortune 500 Company?"
A: "What track do y'all sponsor that race at? I ain't been to that one yet."
Bad Things To Include in Your Resume
- I'm really keen to work for you, I hear the drugs are good.
- I regret that I have no references. Unfortunately, every company I have worked for has since closed down.
- I'll kill myself if I don't get a job.
- I know where you live.
- Any sentence beginning with "I was recently acquitted."
- I'm really tall, so I think I'd be well suited to this job.
- Happy faces.
- By the way, I understand that you have unmarried daughters.
- I'm confident that I'll get this job. The voices told me.
The Right Stuff
I was in a job interview for a sales position and the manager handed me his laptop and said, "I want you to try and sell this to me."
So I put it under my arm, walked out of the building and went home. An hour later he called me and said, "Bring it back here right now!"
I said, "$250 and it's yours."
Looking For A Job
Job Applicant: "I'm looking for a job as a consultant."
Employer: "I'm sorry, we already have enough consultants."
Applicant: "That's ok, with my experience, I can be an advisor."
Employer: "More than we can use already."
Applicant: As he is getting desperate, "I'm not proud, I can do paperwork, I'll be a clerk, If you have too many, I'll start as a janitor."
Employer: "It just doesn't seem that we have any openings for a person with your qualifications."
Applicant: As he stands up and angrily yells, "work for you I'd have to be a low life, belly crawling, double dealing jerk!"
Employer: "Well, you didn't say you were an attorney, have a seat, we may have an opening."
I went for a job interview and the manager said, "We're looking for someone who is responsible."
"Well I'm your man," I replied. "In my last job, whenever anything went wrong they said I was responsible."