Mail Carriers.

Q: What kind of drugs are mail carriers not tested for?
A: SPEED!

Four Phrase Homework

One day, after school was over, a teacher walked up to one of her students. For a school assignment she asked him to find four phrases, write them down then give them back to her the next day. So, the student reached home and asked his mom if she had a phrase. "Shut up!" exclaimed the mom. Next, the student went to his brother and asked if he had a phrase. "Bada bada BATMAN!" laughed the brother. Next, the student went to the neighborhood janitor and asked if he had a phrase. "Garbage, garbage, garbage, nothing but garbage all day long!" complained the janitor. Finally for his final phrase the student asked the town baker if he had a phrase. "My buns are burning, my buns are burning!" shouted the baker. The next day at school the student waltzed up to his teacher's desk. "Do you have your four phrases?" asked the Teacher. "Shut up!" shouted the student. The teacher felling very hurt asked, "Who do you think you are!?" "Bada bada BATMAN" laughed the student. "What are you getting out of all this school?" asked the teacher. "Garbage, garbage, garbage, nothing but garbage all day long!" Then the teacher spanked the student and he went around yelling "MY BUNS ARE BURNING MY BUNS ARE BURNING!"

He Needs Blue Ice

This guy goes to the pharmacist and says, "Listen, these two girls are coming to my place for the weekend and they are hot, very hot. Would you have something to get me going all night. It is going to be a hell of a party." The pharmacist goes in the back room, comes back with an old dusty bottle and says, "This stuff is very potent, you drink only one ounce of it and I guarantee that you will be doing the wild thing all night. Let me know about it." The weekend goes by and on Monday morning the pharmacist is going to work and at the door of the drug store, the same fellow is there waiting for him. The pharmacist says, "What are you doing here so early? How was your weekend?" The guy replies, "Quick open the store, I need Blue Ice (a  muscle pain reliever). The pharmacist, knowing what the guy had been doing all weekend, says, "Are you crazy, you can't put that on your penis. The skin is way too sensitive." The guy says, "It's not for my penis, it's for my arm." Pharmacist says, "What?? What happened?" Guy replies, "Well... I drank the whole bottle of your potion." Pharmacist says, "And..." Guy replies, "The girls never showed up!"