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Word Play Jokes - Private Parts
Big Family
A women married and had 13 children. Her husband died. She married again and had 7 more children. Again, Her husband died. But, she remarried and this time had 5 more children. Alas, she finally died. Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed for her. He thanked the Lord for this very loving woman and said, "Lord, they're finally together."
One mourner leaned over and quietly asked her friend, "What do you think he means her first, second or third husband?" The friend replied, "I think he means her legs."
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That Long Thing on the Elephant
A couple took their young son to the circus and when the elephants appeared, the boy seemed very intrigued by them. "Mommy, what's that long thing on the elephant?" he asked. "That's the elephant's trunk, dear," she replied. "No, not that. What's that long thing that's hanging between the elephant's legs?" asked the boy. Embarrassed, the mother replied, "Oh, it's nothing, son." She then left to get some hot dogs and sodas. While she was gone, the young boy turned to his father and asked, "Daddy, what's that long thing hanging between the elephant's legs?" "That's the elephant's penis, son," explained the father. "Well, why did mommy say it was nothing when I asked her?" the boy asked. Taking a deep breath, the father proudly replied, "I've spoiled that woman, son!"
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Quiz Show
Jane was a first time contestant on the $65,000 quiz show. Lady luck had smiled in her favor, as Jane had a gained substantial lead over her opponents. She even managed to win the game but, unfortunately, time had run out before the show's host could ask her the big question. Jane agreed to return the following day.
Jane was nervous as her husband drove them home. "I've just gotta win tomorrow. I wish I knew what the answers are! You know I'm not going to sleep at all tonight. I will probably look like garbage tomorrow."
"Relax honey," her husband, Roger, reassured her, "It will all be OK." Ten minutes after they arrived home, Roger grabbed the car keys and started heading out the door.
"Where are you going?" Jane asked.
"I have a little errand to run. I should be back soon." After an agonizing 3 hour absence, Roger returned, sporting a very wide and wicked grin. "Honey, I managed to get tomorrow's question and answer!"
"What is it?" she cried excitedly.
"OK. The question is 'What are the three main parts of the male anatomy?' And the answer is 'The head, the heart, and the penis.'" The couple went to sleep with Jane, now feeling at ease, plummeting into a deep slumber.
At 3:30 a.m., however, Jane was shaken awake by Roger, who was asking her the quiz show question. "The head, the heart, and the penis," Jane replied groggily before returning to sleep. And Roger asked her again in the morning, this time as Jane was brushing her teeth. Once again, Jane replied correctly.
So it was that Jane was once again on the set of the quiz show. Even though she knew the question and answer, she could feel butterflies. The cameras began running and the host, after reminding the audience of the previous days' events, faced Janeand asked the big question.
"Jane, for $65,000, what are the main parts of the male anatomy? You have 10seconds."
"Hmm, uhm, the head?" she said nervously.
"Very good. "
Six seconds."
"Eh, uh, the heart?"
"Very good! Four seconds."
"I, uhh, ooooooohh, darn! My husband drilled it into me last night and I had it on the tip of my tongue this morning..."
"That's close enough!" said the game show host, "CONGRATULATIONS!!"
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