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Word Play Jokes - Private Parts
Amish Emergency Brake
An Amish lady is trotting down the road in her horse and buggy when she is pulled over by a cop. "Ma'am," said the cop, "I'm not going to ticket you, but I do have to issue you a warning. You have a broken reflector on your buggy." "Oh, I'll let my husband, Jacob, know as soon as I get home," responded the Amish lady. "That's fine. Another thing, ma'am. I don't like the way that one rein loops across the horse's back and around one of his testicles. I consider that animal abuse. Have your husband take care of that right away!" instructed the cop. Later that day, the lady is home telling her husband about her encounter with the cop. "Well, dear, what exactly did he say?" asked Jacob. "He said the reflector is broken," replied the lady. "I can fix that in two minutes. What else?" wondered Jacob. "I'm not sure, Jacob... something about the emergency brake"...
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Nude Swim
Q: When asked why she would swim nude with paparazzi stalking her, what did Kris Jenner say?
A: Bruce took all my bikinis.
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Ballad of the Bobbitt Hillbillies!
(Sung to the tune of the Beverly Hillbillies)
Here's a little story of a man named John, A poor ex-marine with a little fraction gone, It seems one night after gettin' with the wife, She lopped off his schlong with a swipe of a knife... Pecker that is, Rodeoed, fillet food.
Well, the next thing you know there's a ginsu by his side, And Lorena's in the car taking willie for a ride, She soon got tired of her purple headed friend, And tossed him out the window as she rounded the bend... Curve, that is Pricker shrubs, wheel hubs.
She went to the cops and confessed to the attack, And they called out the hounds just to get his weenie back, They sniffed and they barked, then they pointed "over there", To John Wayne's henry that was wavin' in the air... Found, that is, By a fence, evidence.
Now peter and John couldn't stay apart too long, So a dick-doc said "Hey, I can fix your dong!". A needle and a thread's just the thing you're gonna need, Then the world held it's breath till they heard that John peed... Whizzed, that is! Stitched seam, straight stream.
Well he healed and he hardened and he took his case to court, With a cock-eyed lawyer (since his assets came up short). They cleared her of assault and acquitted him of rape, And his pecker was the only one they didn't show on tape...Video, that is, Unexposed, case closed!!
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