Little Johnny, God Is Everywhere

One day little Johnny was walking up a hill pulling his red wagon behind him saying,"Fuck this," "Fuck that." The town priest hears this and walks up to Johnny and says, "You shouldn't swear like that, Johnny. God is all around us." "Is he in the sky?" asks Johnny. "Yes," says the priest. "Is he in that bush over there?" asks Johnny. "Yes," says the priest. "Is he in my wagon?" asked Johnny. "Yes," says the priest. "Well tell him to get the fuck out and push!!!"

Fire My Cannon

I'd like to fire my cannon into your treasure chest! Yar!

American, Mule and Hot Dog

There was this American tourist in Mexico, and he was getting tired of walking around, so he went up to a donkey rental place and said, ''Can I rent a donkey?' The guy said, "We don't call them donkeys here, we call them asses. This is the only ass I have left, and you have to scratch him when you want to make him stop." The guy rides his ass for a while, sees a hotdog stand, and asks for a hotdog. The vendor replies, "We don't call them hotdogs here we call the wieners." Meanwhile his donkey is wandering away, so he goes up to another tourist and says "Will you hold my wiener while I scratch my ass?"