Answering Machine - World Domination

Voice 1: Gee, Dave, what do you feel like doing tonight? Voice 2: Same thing we do every night, Rob... Try to take over the world! (Sing:) They're David and the Rob, Yes, David and the Rob, One is a drummer, the other needs a job. They're not at home right now, so please don't have a cow, Leave a message -- for David and the Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob.

Checkup

I went to the doctor for a checkup. A friend asked, "Which doctor?" I replied "No, a medical one."

Quarter Life Crisis

I'm 25 years old and going through what I like to call, "The Quarter Life Crisis." What is that you ask? Well, it's when you go to college for four years, get a job right away that you hate, work there for two years and then the economy takes a dump, you get laid off and find yourself reassessing your life, and therefore doing stand up. No spouse, no kids, no house, no worries.