Quarter Life Crisis

I'm 25 years old and going through what I like to call, "The Quarter Life Crisis." What is that you ask? Well, it's when you go to college for four years, get a job right away that you hate, work there for two years and then the economy takes a dump, you get laid off and find yourself reassessing your life, and therefore doing stand up. No spouse, no kids, no house, no worries.

Drunk Chicken

Q: What do you get from a drunk chicken?
A: Scotch eggs!

Vikings And Dollar Bills

Q: What's the difference between the Vikings and a dollar bill? 
A You can still get four quarters out of a dollar!