A Minister's Family

After his wife had a baby, the new minister appealed to the congregation for a salary increase to cover the addition to the family. The congregation agreed that it was only fair and approved it. When the next child arrived, the minister appealed, and again, the congregation approved the increase. Several years and five children later, the congregation voiced their unhappiness over the increasing expenses. The minister stood up and shouted "Procreation is an act of God!" An old man in the back stood and shouted back "So are rain and snow, but we wear rubbers for them!"

Can't Take A Joke

Q: What's the difference between three penises and a joke?
A: Your mom can't take a joke.

Senior CCW

I'm a senior citizen and just got my concealed carry permit. I went to Cabela's to purchase a Glock 43 because it was just the right size and weight for me to carry.  When I was ready to pay, the cashier said, "Strip down, facing me."  Pissed off that Bloomberg's gun control wacko's had gone too far, I did as she had instructed.  When the hysterical shrieking and alarms finally subsided, I found out she was referring to how I should place my credit card in the chip card reader.  I've been asked to shop elsewhere in the future.
 They need to make their instructions for seniors a little clearer.