Elvis in the Field

My sheep likes to walk aimlessly round a field listening to Elvis
Wander of ewe.

Princess Di and Mother Theresa

You know how Princess Diana and Mother Theresa died around about the same time? Well they both went up to heaven. St. Peter met them at the entrance to the pearly gates. He said  "You both must show me something to prove your worth, going into heaven." Mother Theresa went first. She walked up to St. Peter and lifted her habit and flashed her breasts at him. He said "okay. Princess Di?" Princess Di smiled and walked over into the corner, did a squat and pissed. St. Peter gave it careful consideration. Finally he decided. "Princess Di. You're in. Sorry Mother Theresa, but a Royal Flush, beats two of a kind!!!!!"

Party Mushroom

Q: Why is the mushroom always invited to parties?
A: Because he's a fungi!