Honest Bumper Stickers

• All men are idiots, and I married their king.
• Your kid may be an honors student, but you're still an idiot.
• I brake for no apparent reason.
• Time is what keeps everything from happening all at once.
• Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
• I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
• Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
• Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.
• I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
• Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off NOW.
• Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
• Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
• Puritanism: the haunting fear that someone somewhere may be happy.
• Consciousness cuts into my napping.
• Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
• There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count and those who can't.
• Keep honking. I'm reloading.

Wall Man

Q: What do you call a man with no arms or legs hanging on a wall?
A: Art

Getting 10 Fat Cows in Your Basement

Q: How do you get ten fat cows in your basement?
A: Hold a tupperware party!