Who's there?

Q: What do you call a blonde in college?
A: A visitor.

Sunday School Christmas Lesson

A little boy returned from Sunday school with a new perspective on the Christmas story. He had learned all about the Wise Men from the East who brought gifts to the Baby Jesus. He was so excited he could hardly wait to tell his parents. As soon as he arrived home, he immediately began, "I learned all about the very first Christmas in Sunday school today! There wasn't a Santa Claus way back then, so these three skinny guys on camels had to deliver all the toys! And Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer with his nose so bright wasn't there yet, so they had to have this big spotlight in the sky to find their way around!"

Drunk Buddies

Two guys are drinking together, when one of them throws up all over himself. "Christ!" he says, "My wife ish going to kill me."
His friend puts his arm around his shoulder and offers him 20 dollars. "Don't worry," he says, "I'm your besht friend - give her thish and tell her that I chucked up on your jacket, and that I gave you thish money to get it cleaned."
"Fantashtic," says the first guy. "You're amashing, really the besht." Arriving home, the poor guy's wife opens the door. "Where the hell have you been, look at the state of you..." she kicks off. Quickly he replies, "Look love, it's not really my fault. Jack threw up all over me, but you know he's really a nice guy 'cos he gave me 20 bucks to get my jacket cleaned..." "But there are 40 dollars here," she replies. "Oh, yeh, I forgot to tell you," he says, "Jack shat in my trousers as well."