Q: What did the weather satellite say to mission control?
A: Houston, you have a problem.
Q: What warning did the National Weather Service give before the blizzard?
A: If you only have liability insurance, stay your ass at home. This weather is for full-coverage customers only.
Hurricane Matthew is like my ex-wife.
At first things were wet and intense, then I lost my house.
Top 10 Reasons Why Hurricane Season is Like Christmas
Top Ten Reasons Hurricane Season is Like Christmas
10. Decorating the house (boarding up windows)
9. Dragging out boxes that haven't been used since last season (camping gear, flashlights)
8. Last minute shopping in crowded stores
7. Regular TV shows pre-empted for "specials"
6. Family coming to stay with you
5. Family and friends from out-of-state calling
4. Buying food you don't normally buy ... and in large quantities
3. Days off from work
And the number one reason Hurricane Season is like Christmas...
1. At some point you know you're going to have a tree in your house!
Blondes Love Lightning
Q: Why do blondes smile when there's lightning?
A: Because they think they're getting their picture taken!