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The best jokes and joke writers!

You are from Canada

You know your from Manitoba, Canada, when....

  • You only know three spices - salt, pepper and ketchup.
  • You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
  • The mosquitoes have landing lights.
  • You have more miles on your snowblower than your car.
  • You have 10 favourite recipes for moose meat.
  • Canadian Tire on any Saturday is busier than the toy stores at Christmas.
  • You live in a house that has no front step, yet the door is one meter above the ground.
  • You've taken your kids trick-or-treating in a blizzard.
  • Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled in with snow.
  • You owe more money on your snowmobile than your car.
  • The local paper covers national and international headlines on 1/4 page, but requires 6 pages for sports.
  • At least twice a year, the kitchen doubles as a meat processing plant.
  • The most effective mosquito repellent is a shotgun.
  • Your snowblower gets stuck on the roof.
  • You think the start of moose season is a national holiday.
  • You head south to go to your cottage.
  • You frequently clean grease off your barbeque so the bears won't prowl on your deck.
  • You know which leaves make good toilet paper.
  • The major parish fund-raiser isn't bingo - it's sausage making.
  • You find -40C a little chilly.
  • The trunk of your car doubles as a deep freezer.
  • You attend a formal event in your best clothes, your finest jewelry and your Sorels.
  • You can play road hockey on skates.
  • You know 4 seasons - Winter, Still Winter, almost Winter and Construction.
  • The municipality buys a Zamboni before a bus.
  • You actually get these jokes and forward them to all your Northern friends.

So Small

You're so small that when it rains you're the last to know!

Favorite Weather

Q: What's Snoop Dogg's favorite weather?

A: Drizzle!

When Its Cold Outside

Q: How do you know when it is cold outside?

A: When your dog's dick is frozen to the fire hydrant.

Cold Bikers

Once, there were two bikers driving down the highway on a cold afternoon. "Man! commented one... it's FREEZING!!! and my coat won't zip up. The cold air is killing me!!" The other biker thought for a minute as they sped down the road. "Well, he said at last... you can turn your jacket around, then the open side would be at the back. You wouldn't get so cold that way." "Great idea!" commented the other. "stop and let me switch." The driver pulled over, and the passenger put his jacket on backwards. "There! he said when he had completed the switch. I feel better already." The two of them climbed back on the motorcycle and drove off. Then, suddenly they hit a patch of ice on the road, and spun off and crashed. A few minutes later a crowd had gathered, and when the ambulance arrived, the EMTs shouted out "Is anybody hurt?" One guy from the crowd replied  "Well, the driver was dead when I got here, and the other guy was doing alright until we fixed his head."