New Jersey Crazy Law

• It is against the law for a man to knit during the fishing season.
• You may not slurp your soup.
• If you have been convicted of driving while intoxicated, you may never again apply for personalized license plates.
• It is against the law to "frown" at a police officer. 
• On a highway you can not park under a bridge.
• Car dealerships are forbidden from opening on Sunday.
• You cannot pump your own gas.
• All gas stations are full service and full service only.
• Automobiles are not to pass horse drawn carriages on the street.
• It is illegal to delay or detain a homing pigeon.
• Bernards Township - It is illegal to frown as the town is a "Frown-Free Town Zone".
• Caldwell - You may not dance or wear shorts on the main avenue.
• Cranford - Citizens are not permitted to park their own boat on their lawn.
• Cresskill - All cats must wear three bells to warn birds of their whereabouts.
• Elizabeth - It is forbidden for a woman, on a Sunday, to walk down Broad Street without wearing a petticoat.
• Manville - It is illegal to offer whiskey or cigarettes to animals a the local zoo.
• Newark - It is illegal to sell ice cream after 6pm, unless the customer has a note from his doctor.
• Ocean City - Pinball machines are not to be played on Sunday.
• People may not slurp their soup.
• Raw hamburger may not be sold.
• Raritan - Profanity is prohibited.
• Sea Isle City - There will be no boiling of bones on the property.
• Trenton - Pickles are not to be consumed on Sundays.
• You may not throw a bad pickle in the street. 

Portland Magic

Q: Why didn't they arrest the looters in the Portland riots?
A: Because Ted Wheeler, the Democratic mayor,  reclassified them as Undocumented Shoppers.

High Altitude - Low IQ

The following is supposedly a true story relating to an actual event that took place during a flight.
As a Delta Air Lines jet was flying over Arizona on a clear day, the co-pilot was providing his passengers with a running commentary about landmarks over the PA system. "Coming up on the right, you can see the Meteor Crater, which is a major tourist attraction in northern Arizona. It was formed when a lump of nickel and iron, roughly 150 feet in diameter and weighing 300,000 tons, struck the earth at about 40,000 miles an hour, scattering white-hot debris for miles in every direction. The hole measures nearly a mile across and is 570 feet deep." From the cabin, a passenger was heard to exclaim, "Wow! It just missed the highway!"