Alabama Fishing Trip

A salesman from Cincinnati traveled to Alabama for a company meeting. He couldn't get a flight back home till Sunday so he decided to spend Saturday fishing.  He went to Cabela's and found a great deal on rods, reels and a loaded tackle box. He rented a kayak at Guntersville lake and headed out in search of bass.
He was only 15 minutes from shore when the trolling motor stopped working.  When he realized that the rental company only gave him one oar, he decided to seek help.
He saw a man with two beautiful women on his boat who also had a spare oar. "Excuse me, may I borrow one of your oars?" he yelled. The other man appeared offended and yelled back,  "Thems ain't 'ores, thems me sisters!"

Rhode Island Jokes

Rhode Island: We're Not REALLY An Island
Rhode Island: Size ain't everything
Rhode Island: Nobody famous came from Rhode Island

• Rhode Island recently applied to the US Government to make all the coastal waters of Rhode Island a "No Discharge Zone". The ostensible purpose was to prohibit the discharge of sewage by boats into the state's waters. However, discharge of raw sewage into the state waters was already illegal. What the "No Discharge Zone" actually did was make it illegal to discharge TREATED sewage from a boat into state waters. What now happens is that boats (whose treatment systems far outperform municipal sewage treatment plants) are now required to disable their sewage treatment systems, and carry their sewage to a shore-based facility, which then dumps the partially treated sewage back into Rhode Island's coastal waters.
• It is illegal to challenge someone to a duel, or accept a duel, even it it is never actually fought. Penalty: Imprisonment for one to seven years.
• Impersonating a town sealer, auctioneer, corder of wood, or a fence-viewer is against the law. Penalty: $20 to $100 fine.
• It is illegal to place a windmill within twenty-five (25) rods of any traveled street or road.
• Riding a horse over any public highway for the purpose of racing, or testing the speed of the horse is illegal. Penalty: Maximum $20 fine and imprisonment for 10 days.
• Exercising any labor, business, or work, or using any game, sport, play, or recreation, or causing any of the above to be done to or by your children, servants, or apprentices on the first day of the week (Sunday) results in a penalty of $5 for the first offense and $10 for the second.
• Professional sports, except ice polo and hockey, must obtain a license to play games on Sunday.
• Any marriage where either of the parties is an idiot or lunatic is null and void. -SECTION 11-40-1
• It is illegal to coast downhill in your car with your transmission in neutral, or with the clutch disengaged.
• It is considered an offense to throw pickle juice on a trolley.
• Newport - You cannot smoke a pipe after sunset.
• Providence - There is not an appeals process for exemption of property tax due to a disability or poverty.
• It is illegal to wear transparent clothing.
• You may not sell toothpaste and a toothbrush to the same customer on a Sunday.
• West Warwick - It is illegal to use water on even-numbered days for the sole purpose of watering plants, gardens, or lawns. If you break this law there is a fine of $25-$100. 

Many Faces

Grew up thinking I was stuck with the face I was born with; at 30 the beauty consultants at Macy's told me I would get the face I deserved; moved to LA and discovered I'd get the face I could afford!