Top Ten Things about Living in Manitoba

1. You wake up one morning to find you suddenly have beachfront property
2. Amusing town names like ''Flin Flon'' and ''Winnipeg''
3. All your local bands make it big and move to Toronto
4. The only province to ever violently rebel against the federal government
5. Hundreds of huge, horribly frigid lakes
6. Nothing compares to a wicked Winnipeg winter
7. You don't need a car, just take the canoe to work
8. You can be an Easterner or a Westerner depending on your mood
9. Because of your license plate, you are still ''friendly'' even when you cut someone off
10. Pass the time watching trucks and barns float by

10 Signs You Might Not Get a Christmas Bonus

10. Co-workers refer to you as "the ghost of unemployment future."
9. The last time you saw your boss was when he testified against you at the embezzlement trial.
8. On your door, you find a lovely wreath of pink slips.
7. What you call "my new office," everybody else calls "the supply closet."
6. Boss's Christmas card says, "Don't let the door hit you on the way out."
5. You keep getting memos reminding you that employees are required to wear pants.
4. When your boss came over for Thanksgiving, he was crushed under an avalanche of stolen office supplies.
3. Whenever you ask for a raise, a guy shows up at your house and breaks your jaw.
2. In your most recent performance evaluation, the word "terrible" appeared 78 times.
1. You're the starting quarterback for the New York Jets

Watch Real Baseball

Top Ten Signs you're Not Watching a Real Baseball Team
From Late Show with David Letterman; Monday, February 20, 1995

1. You recognize batter as the kid who sold you a hot dog a couple minutes earlier.
2. Everytime a player slides into second, he busts his hip.
3. They keep shouting "Do over!"
4. When umpire yells, "Strike 3!" The batter looks at him as if the dude's speaking French.
5. Try as they might, they just can't scratch themselves like professionals.
6. First base: Siskel. Second base: Ebert.
7. Game stops when some lady in a house near the stadium shouts "Dinner time!"
8. Players constantly adjusting each other's cups.
9. You overheard the coach yelling, "Run, Forrest, run!"
10. They play like the Mets