You Really Do Stink

It was a particularly tough football game, and nerves were on edge. The home team had been the victim of three or four close calls, and they were now trailing the visitors by a touch-down and a field goal.
When the official called yet another close one in the visitors' favor, the home quarterback blew his top.
"How many times can you do this to us in a single game?" he screamed.  "You were wrong on the out-of-bounds, you were wrong on that last first down, and you missed an illegal tackle in the first quarter."
The official just stared. The quarterback seethed, but he suppressed the language that might get him tossed from the game. "What it comes down to," he bellowed, "is that you STINK!"
The official stared a few more seconds. Then he bent down, picked up the ball, paced off 15 yards, and put the ball down. He turned to face the steaming quarterback.
The official finally replied, "And how do I smell from here?"

Slicing Golfer

An old favorite about the Golfer who has been slicing off the tee at every hole . . . . .
He finally gives up and asks his long suffering caddy:
Golfer: "Can you see any obvious problems?"
Caddy: "There's a piece of shit on the end of your club."
Golfer: He picks up his club up and cleans the club face . . .
Caddy: "No sir, it’s at the other end"

Hunting Dog

A hunter in North Dakota was looking for a new hunting dog. His search ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck. Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him. He decided to try to break the news to a friend of his, a pessimist by nature, and invited him to hunt with him and his new dog. As they waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew by. they fired, and a duck fell. The dog responded and jumped into the water. The dog, however, did not sink but instead walked across the water to retrieve the bird, never getting more than his paws wet. The friend saw everything but did not say a single word. On the drive home the hunter asked his friend, "Did you notice anything unusual about my new dog?" "I sure did," responded his friend. "He can't swim."