Lakers Fans

A Kindergarten teacher tells her class she's a BIG Lakers fan. She's really excited about it and asks the kids if they're Lakers fans too. Everyone wants to impress the teacher and says they're Lakers fans too, except one kid named Josh. The teacher looks at Josh and says, "Josh, you're not a Lakers fan?"
He says, "Nope, I'm a Sacrmento Kings fan!"
She says, "Well why are you a Sacrmento Kings fan and not a Lakers fan?"
Josh says, "Well, my mom is a Sacrmento Kings fan, and my dad is a Sacrmento Kings fan, so I'm a Sacrmento Kings fan."
The teacher's not real happy. She's a little hot under the collar. She says, "Well, if your mom's an idiot, and your dad's a moron, then what would you be?!"
Josh says, "Then I'd be a Lakers fan!"

How is Bob Getting Home?

Q: How is Bob Costas getting home from the 2014 Olympics?
A: He's taking the red-eye!

Polish Parachute Lessons

A Polack wanted to learn how to sky dive. He got an instructor and started lessons. The instructor told the Polack to jump out of the plane and pull his rip cord. The instructor then explained that he himself would jump out right behind him so that they would go down together. The Polack understood and was ready. The time came to have the Polack jump from the air plane. The instructor reminded the Polack that he would be right behind him. The Polack proceeded to jump from the plane and after being in the air for a few seconds pulled the rip cord. The instructor followed by jumping from the plane. The instructor pulled his rip cord but the parachute did not open. The instructor, frantically trying to get his parachute open, darted past the Polack. The Polack seeing this yelled, as he undid the straps to his parachute, "So you wanna race, eh?"