Polish Parachute Lessons

A Polack wanted to learn how to sky dive. He got an instructor and started lessons. The instructor told the Polack to jump out of the plane and pull his rip cord. The instructor then explained that he himself would jump out right behind him so that they would go down together. The Polack understood and was ready. The time came to have the Polack jump from the air plane. The instructor reminded the Polack that he would be right behind him. The Polack proceeded to jump from the plane and after being in the air for a few seconds pulled the rip cord. The instructor followed by jumping from the plane. The instructor pulled his rip cord but the parachute did not open. The instructor, frantically trying to get his parachute open, darted past the Polack. The Polack seeing this yelled, as he undid the straps to his parachute, "So you wanna race, eh?"

Ford and Golf Ball

Q: What's the difference between a Ford and a golf ball?
A: You can drive a golf ball 200 yards.

It's All In The Grip

A lady goes in to take a tennis lesson, and the instructor notices she is using the wrong grip. After several failed attempts to correct her, he finally says "OK,, just grip it like you do your husband's member". After that, she immediately rips a couple of top spin winners down the line. The instructor says, "Wow that's great. Now just try taking the racquet out of your mouth."