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Sports Jokes
Buckeyes vs Wolverines!
In the Ohio State Buckeyes locker room in Columbus, there's a sign stating, "Play like champions today!"
There's also one in the Michigan Wolverines locker room that says, "Don't forget your HELMET!"
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He Loves To Fish
This couple just got married and was spending their honeymoon at a secluded campgrounds next to a small lake. Every day the new bridegroom was seen in a boat on the lake fishing. Two old timers who were always setting on the dock thought it kinda funny that the groom was spending all his time on the lake. Well, their curiosity got the best of them and they confronted him when he came in for lunch. The first old man said, " Son when I first got married, me and my wife spent every day of our honeymoon in bed, well you know!" The new groom said, "well, normally that's what I would do, But she, well, she's got gonorrhea." The second old man said, " well son haven't you ever heard about oral sex? everybody's doing it these days." The groom says, "yes I have heard about that, but she also has pyorrhea." The first old man looks at the second old man, and they both nod to each other and offered this advice. "Sonny, in times like this you just might want to roll her over." The groom says " I know all about that too, but she's got diarrhea." The two old men look at each other and at the same time they say, "Daggone Sonny... gonorrhea, pyorrhea, diarrhea, what the hell did ya marry her for?!" He said "Well she's also got worms,... And I dooo looove to Fish!!
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Hunting Accident
A guy is out hunting. He stops to pee, leans his weapon against a tree and….just then a gust of wind blew, the gun fell over and discharged, shooting him in the genitals.
Several hours later, lying in a hospital bed, he was approached by his doctor. “Well sir, I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that you are going to be okay. The damage was local to your groin, there was very little internal damage and we were able to remove all of the buckshot.”
“What’s the bad news?” asked the hunter. “The bad news is that there was some pretty extensive buckshot damage done to your willy which left quite a few holes in it. I’m going to have to refer you to my sister.”
“Well I guess that isn't too bad,” the hunter replied. “Is your sister a plastic surgeon?” Not exactly,” answered the doctor. “She’s a flute player in the Boston Symphony Orchestra. She’s going to teach you where to put your fingers so you don’t piss in your eye.”
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