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College Roommates
Three college roommates -- two females and a male -- began to argue after dinner about whose turn it was to do the dishes. "All right," one of the girls said, "the first one to speak has to do them." The trio retired to the living room to watch TV. When their neighbor, a school football star, came by, the three remained silent. The visitor shrugged and led one of the girls into her bedroom. Forty-five minutes later, the young man emerged and approached the second girl. Through sign language, they agreed to adjourn to her bedroom. When he came out, he began to fix himself a cup of tea but burned his fingers on the stove. "Hey, where's some petroleum jelly?" he hollered from the kitchen. "Oh, hell!" the male roommate said, jumping up. "I'll do the dishes."
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St. Louis Cardinals
He's so dumb, he thinks the St. Louis Cardinals are appointed by the Pope.
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Kentucky Redneck and Ohio Buckeye
A Kentucky redneck and an Ohio buckeye are night fishing on their respective sides of the Ohio River. As soon as the redneck puts his line in the water, he slings a fish onto the bank. The buckeye isn't catching anything, so he yells across to the redneck, "Buddy, I'd sure like to be on your side of the river!" "Alright, tell ya what -- I'll shine my flashlight 'cross this river, and you can walk across this little beam of light!" the redneck yells back. The buckeye replies, "Ain't no way, buddy. You must think I'm a fool. I know when I get halfway 'cross, you'll turn your flashlight off!"
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