Football Dirty Talk

• The hole closed on him before he could penetrate it.
• He's off to the sidelines for a quick blow.
• It's a game of inches.
• That hole was so big, you could drive a truck through it.
• When you get down in this area, you just gotta start pounding.
• He's gonna feel that one tomorrow.
• He found his tight end.
• He had to stretch to get it in.
• He gets penetration in the backfield.
• He could go all the way.
• He gets it off just in time.
• He goes deep.
• He found a hole and slid through.
• He pounds it in.
• He's got great hands.

Patriots Robert Kraft

Q: What's the big deal about Robert Kraft and the Day Spa?
A: Don't people know by know that all Patriot activities finish with a happy ending?

Gorilla Golf

A guy walked into a pro-shop with a gorilla. "Is anyone interested in a little wager?" he said, flashing some large bills around. "I've got $500.00 here that says my gorilla can hit the ball longer and straighter than anybody here at this club. In fact, he hits it 500 yards right down the middle . . . every time!" Everyone in the pro-shop started laughing. After a moment, the newest pro at the club and the longest hitter in the area spoke up, "I gotta see this!" he said. "You know, what? I'll take you up on that wager! Meet you on the first tee." When they reached the 585-yard par-5 first tee the trainer led the gorilla to the tee box, put a driver in his hands, set a tee in the ground. The gorilla did the rest. Sure enough, he smashed his drive right down the middle and clear out of sight. When the ball finally came to rest it was on the green -- 6 inches from the cup. The pro was astonished. "That's incredible!" he exclaimed. "How did you train him to hit the ball like that!" There's no need for me to tee off. I couldn't beat him with a stick. Here's your money." As the pro walked off the green, still shaking his head, he turned back to the trainer and said, "Oh, by the way, how does he putt?" The trainer responded, "Just like he drives: 500 yards. Right down the middle. Every time."