Dallas Safe Zone

Q: Where are Dallas residents staying to avoid Ebola?
A: Cowboy Stadium.  They can't catch anything there.

Ten Best Caddy Responses

• 10: Golfer: "I think I'm going to drown myself in the lake." Caddy: "Think you can keep your head down that long, sir?"
   
• 9: Golfer: "I'd move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course." Caddy: "Try heaven sir, you've already moved most of the earth."
   
• 8: Golfer: "Do you think my game is improving?" Caddy: "Yes sir . . . . You miss the ball much closer now."
   
• 7: Golfer: "Do you think I can get there with a 5 iron?" Caddy: "Eventually, sir."
   
• 6: Golfer: "You've got to be the worst caddy in the world." Caddy: "I don't think so sir . . . .That would be too much of a coincidence."
   
• 5: Golfer: "Please stop checking your watch all the time. It's too much of a distraction." Caddy: "It's not a watch sir - it's a compass."
   
• 4: Golfer: "How do you like my game?" Caddy: "It's very good sir - but personally, I prefer golf."
   
• 3: Golfer: "Do you think it's a sin to play on Sunday? Caddy: "I'm afraid the way you play sir, it's a sin on any day."
   
• 2: Golfer: "This is the worst course I've ever played on." Caddy: "But this isn't the golf course . . . . We left that an hour ago sir."
   
• And the Number: 1 . . . . Best Caddy Comment: Golfer: "That can't be my ball, it's too old." Caddy: "It's been a long time since we teed off, sir."

Silent Golf

A man is about to tee off on a golf course when he feels a tap on his shoulder. He turns and finds a man standing behind him. The second man hands him a card , reading, “I am a deaf-mute. May I play through, please?” The first man angrily gives the card back, and shouts , “No . You can’t play through! Your handicap gives you no such right!” With this the first man whacks his ball on to the green and walks off to finish the hole. A few minutes later he’s just about to sink the putt when another ball hits him on the head knocking him out cold. When he comes around he finds the deaf-mute standing over him – holding up four fingers.