Digger Phelps' Quotes

Digger Phelps' Words of Wisdom From the NCAA Tournament:

• "Basketball is a game of two halves."
• "We have to remember that whoever scores the most points by the end wins."
• "You're either a good team or a bad team, and they played somewhere in the middle."
• "He's like all great players -- not great yet."
• "You don't score 86 points without being able to shoot." 

Joe Gone Golfing

Joe loved golf, but his eyesight had gotten so bad, that he couldn't find his ball once he'd hit it. He consulted with his wife, and she recommended that Joe bring along her uncle Ted. Joe said, "But Ted is 80 years old and half senile!" His wife replied, "Yes, but his eyesight is incredible." Joe finally agreed and took Ted along. He teed off and could feel that he had hit it solidly. He asked Ted, "Do you see it?" Ted nodded his head and said, "Boy, that was a beautiful shot!" Joe excitedly asked, "Well, where did it land?!" Ted said, "Hmmm. I forget."

Too Much Wrestling

• You wonder why singers Sting, Wolf Blitzer, and Bryan Adams stole wrestlers' names.
• You only come out of your room if your theme music is playing.
• When your boss is pissing you off you kick him and give him a stunner.
• You always end a speech with, ''That's the bottom line 'cuz John said so!'' or ''If you smellllll what John is cooking!''
• Your new wardrobe consists of more multi-colored bicep tassles, tights, and capes.
• If there's one beer left you suggest it should be suspended from the ceiling and the winner has to climb a stepladder to get it.
• Whenever you see someone lying on the floor you get the urge to put him in the sharpshooter.