Thoughts From Women About Being a Woman

• The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy. ( Helen Hayes (at 73)
• I refuse to think of them as chin hairs. I think of them as stray eyebrows.  (Janette Barber)
• Things are going to get a lot worse before they get worse. (Lily Tomlin)
• A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car. (Carrie Snow)
• Old age ain't no place for sissies. (Bette Davis)
• If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning. (Catherine Aird)
• A man's got to do what a man's got to do. A woman must do what he can't. (Rhonda Hansome)
• The phrase "working mother" is redundant. (Jane Sellman)
• Whatever women must do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult. (Charlotte Whitton)
• Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart. (Caryn Leschen)
• Whoever thought up the word "Mammogram"?  Every time I hear it, I think I'm supposed to put my breast in an envelope and send it to someone. (Jan King)
• I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once. (Jennifer Unlimited)
• When I was young, I was put in a school for retarded kids for two years before they realized I actually had a hearing loss. And they called ME slow!* (Kathy Buckley)
• I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb and I'm also not blonde. (Dolly Parton)
• You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy. (Erica Jong)
• If high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing them. (Sue Grafton)
• Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you cry with your girlfriends. (Laurie Kuslansky)
• I think - therefore I'm single. (Lizz Winstead)
• You know the hardest thing about having cerebral palsy and being a woman? It's plucking your eyebrows. That's how I originally got pierced ears. (Geri Jewell)
• When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. (Elayne Boosler)
• Behind every successful man is a surprised woman. (Maryon Pearson)
• In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man - if you want anything done, ask a woman. (Margaret Thatcher)
• I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career. (Gloria Steinem)
• I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home who answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog that growls every morning, a parrot that swears all afternoon, and a cat that comes home late every night. (Marie Corelli)
• If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a noose around your neck? (Linda Ellerbee)
• Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission. (Eleanor Roosevelt)

Positions

A young man takes his Chinese girlfriend on a date. After a night of drinking they go back to his place and end up in the bedroom. “What do you want to do?” asks the Chinese girl. “I’m up for anything.” “Okay,” replies the boyfriend. “What I’d really like is some 69.” “Oh forget it!” she replies, “I’m not cooking at this time of night!”

That is ONE!

A middle aged rancher in pioneer days of old, had grown tired of working so hard to build a beautiful ranch house and huge herd to go with it just to live in it all alone. So he thought it would be nice to get one of those mail order brides. Without haste, he sent for one and on the day she was arriving he hitched up his horse and buggy and headed for the nearest train station.
After meeting his new bride, he loaded all her bags into the wagon and then headed for their honeymoon home. They had traveled only two miles when the horse stumbled.  The rancher got out and whipped the horse to its feet. He looked at the horse and said, "THAT'S ONE", and got back in the wagon.  He then smiled at the woman and continued on their way.
They had traveled only another two miles when the horse stumbled again, and again the rancher got out of the wagon to whip the horse to its feet, telling the horse "THAT'S TWO".  Then He took his seat beside his new bride and continued on their way.
After traveling another two miles the horse stumbled for the third time. The rancher got out of the wagon carrying his rifle, he walked up to the horse and shot it right between the eyes, saying, "THAT'S THREE".  He turned to the wagon only to hear his new bride say, "why in the hell did you do that for, now we have to walk". The rancher turn to the woman and said "THAT'S ONE".