Blonde on a Horse

There once was this blonde riding a horse. After a while it began to speed up. She was hanging on by the tail and cut her forehead open. After a long struggle, she was able to climb back onto the horse. She then fell off the side and got her foot caught. The horse was now dragging her. She finally got back on the horse with a broken ankle, bruises all over, and she was bleeding from three different spots. Finally, the horse came to a complete stop. Thank goodness that the manager of the K-mart came out and shut the machine off.

The Wife and the New Car

Over the weekend, Steve bought a new car. He was so excited about it that he had to take a picture of it to bring to work with him to show everyone. The picture was a Polaroid snapshot of his wife sitting in one of the front seats.  Steve crowed as he showed the picture to co-worker Jim, "It's got power steering, anti-lock brakes, cruise control and a driver's side air bag."
Jim squinted at the picture. Having never seen Steve's wife before, he asked, "Who's that?"  "Oh," said Steve with a grin, "another feature, that's my passenger-side wind bag!"

Making Coffee

Making a cup of coffee is like making love to a beautiful woman. It's got to be hot.  You've got to take your time. You've got to stir gently, and firmly. You've got to grind your beans until they squeak. And then you put in the milk.