Thoughts From Women About Being a Woman

• The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy. ( Helen Hayes (at 73)
• I refuse to think of them as chin hairs. I think of them as stray eyebrows.  (Janette Barber)
• Things are going to get a lot worse before they get worse. (Lily Tomlin)
• A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car. (Carrie Snow)
• Old age ain't no place for sissies. (Bette Davis)
• If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning. (Catherine Aird)
• A man's got to do what a man's got to do. A woman must do what he can't. (Rhonda Hansome)
• The phrase "working mother" is redundant. (Jane Sellman)
• Whatever women must do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult. (Charlotte Whitton)
• Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart. (Caryn Leschen)
• Whoever thought up the word "Mammogram"?  Every time I hear it, I think I'm supposed to put my breast in an envelope and send it to someone. (Jan King)
• I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once. (Jennifer Unlimited)
• When I was young, I was put in a school for retarded kids for two years before they realized I actually had a hearing loss. And they called ME slow!* (Kathy Buckley)
• I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb and I'm also not blonde. (Dolly Parton)
• You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy. (Erica Jong)
• If high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing them. (Sue Grafton)
• Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you cry with your girlfriends. (Laurie Kuslansky)
• I think - therefore I'm single. (Lizz Winstead)
• You know the hardest thing about having cerebral palsy and being a woman? It's plucking your eyebrows. That's how I originally got pierced ears. (Geri Jewell)
• When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. (Elayne Boosler)
• Behind every successful man is a surprised woman. (Maryon Pearson)
• In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man - if you want anything done, ask a woman. (Margaret Thatcher)
• I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career. (Gloria Steinem)
• I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home who answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog that growls every morning, a parrot that swears all afternoon, and a cat that comes home late every night. (Marie Corelli)
• If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a noose around your neck? (Linda Ellerbee)
• Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission. (Eleanor Roosevelt)

Positions

A young man takes his Chinese girlfriend on a date. After a night of drinking they go back to his place and end up in the bedroom. “What do you want to do?” asks the Chinese girl. “I’m up for anything.” “Okay,” replies the boyfriend. “What I’d really like is some 69.” “Oh forget it!” she replies, “I’m not cooking at this time of night!”

Restroom Wall Graffiti

You can learn a lot from reading the graffiti in a bathroom, library or other public area...
The best way to a man's heart is to saw his breast plate open.
Women's rest room, Champaign, Ill. If you voted for Clinton in the last election, you can't take a dump here - Your asshole is in Washington!
Men's rest room, Outback Steakhouse, Tacoma, Wash. Beauty is only a light switch away.
Perkins Library, Duke University, Durham, N.C. If life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life, then let's all get wasted and have the time of our lives.
Armand's Pizza, Washington, D.C. Remember, it's not "How high are you?", it's "Hi, how are you?"
The Irish Times, Washington, D.C. Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
The Bayou, Baton Rouge, La. No matter how good she looks, some other guy is sick and tired of putting up with her crap.
Men's rest room, Linda's Bar and Grill, Chapel Hill, N.C. It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
Written in the dust on the back of a bus, Wickenburg, Ariz. A woman's rule of thumb: If it has tires or testicles, you're going to have trouble with it.
Women's rest room, Dick's Last Resort, Dallas, Tex. Watch out for gay limbo dancers..
Inside toilet stall door, men's rest room. Express Lane: Five beers or less.
Sign over one of the urinals, Ed Debevic's, Phoenix, Ariz. You're too good for him.
Sign over mirror in women's rest room, Ed Debevic's, Beverly Hills, CA. No wonder you always go home alone..
Sign over mirror in men's rest room, Ed Debevic's,Beverly Hills, CA. What are you looking up on the wall for? The joke is in your hands.