The Wife and the New Car

Over the weekend, Steve bought a new car. He was so excited about it that he had to take a picture of it to bring to work with him to show everyone. The picture was a Polaroid snapshot of his wife sitting in one of the front seats.  Steve crowed as he showed the picture to co-worker Jim, "It's got power steering, anti-lock brakes, cruise control and a driver's side air bag."
Jim squinted at the picture. Having never seen Steve's wife before, he asked, "Who's that?"  "Oh," said Steve with a grin, "another feature, that's my passenger-side wind bag!"

Halloween Costume

Q: What kind of costumes do brunette girls wear on Halloween?
A: They just stand on their heads and go as dirty mops.

Making Coffee

Making a cup of coffee is like making love to a beautiful woman. It's got to be hot.  You've got to take your time. You've got to stir gently, and firmly. You've got to grind your beans until they squeak. And then you put in the milk.