Close Your Eyes

Q: Why does a woman close her eyes when she's having sex ?
A: Because no woman ever wants to see a man enjoying himself!

Wedding Pants

On their honeymoon night, the burly groom took off his pants and asked his bride to put them on. The waist alone was twice her body. She said, "I can't wear your pants." "That's right," said the groom, "And don't you forget it. I'm the one who wears the pants in the family." The bride took off her panties and asked her new husband to try them on. "No way. I can't get into your panties." he said. "That's right. And that's the way it'll be until you change your attitude." 

Why do Women Love Cats????

I've never understood why women love cats. Cats are independent, they don't listen, they don't come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, come home and expect to be fed and stroked, then want to be left alone and sleep. In other words, every quality that women hate in a man, they love in a cat.